TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
(Preached on Sunday, September 26, 2004)
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
-Psalm 46:1
It is becoming almost ridiculous, isn't it?
Last week I wanted to help us try to restore some balance after we had dealt with 3 hurricanes threatening our area in 5 weeks, and now, we have just lived through another one.
Four storms in six weeks.
And though we have not faced the immediate ravages as some of our neighbors in the state, and others in the Caribbean, they have definitely taken a toll on us. We are tire, physically, but also mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
There is even talk popping up in the media about the need for a new medical label: Hurricane Stress Syndrome.
National surveys and the medical literature suggest that when there is stress in our lives, about 80 percent of us go into a state of imbalance.
We become emotionally numb, or if we manage to feel, our emotions go off the cliff into depression, hostility, rebelliousness, shame, or panic.
Undoubtedly, that is where many of us are living these days.
But the positive side to all this stress is that we are still here.
We are still alive, still coping with life, and still moving forward.
The fact that we have gathered here together following this past storm and taken time to praise and thank God, and to reflect together, is evidence that we are on the path of wholeness and health.
So, I want to just take a few minutes with you today and use this experience to help us learn something about ourselves that might help us cope better with all sorts of stressful storms in the future and help us help others cope with such storms as well.
One important thing that gets us through the stressful storms of life is what we believe.
Our faith in God, that God us good and loving and caring, is a vitally important
starting point. .
As we explored and remembered last week, knowing that God is in the boat with us is key to surviving the storms well.
But it is not the only important factor to help keep us in balance when the stresses rise.
Two other skills are also helpful.
Those skills are self-nurturing and setting effective limits.
We have to first take care of ourselves.
I know that might sound selfish, especially in Christian circles that have been so steeped in self-sacrifice and martyrdom complexes.
But the second commandment according to Jesus was not "Love your neighbor." It was "Love your neighbor as you love yourself."
We cannot love our neighbor is we do not love ourselves.
We cannot care for anyone else if we do not care for ourselves first, so that we have the energy and resources to give to someone else.
Here are six simple questions you can ask yourself to help you take care of yourself, to engage in self-nurture and in setting effective limits.
The first is to ask yourself "How do I feel?"
Get specific: "I feel angry that...;" "I feel sad that...;" "I feel afraid that...;" "I feel
guilty that....... "
Take time with each feeling and don't rush from one to the other.
It can feel frightening at first, but if you don't take time with those frightening, negative feelings, like anger, then they become like neglected children who turn to inappropriate behavior to get attention: anger morphing into sadness morphing into depression.
Give each feeling appropriate attention, moving on to the next only when it truly feels as though you have exhausted the first feeling.
When you do this you are taking time to catch yourself before you slide into imbalance due to the overwhelming feelings you are carrying around with you.
The second question: "What basic expectations are under those feelings?" and when they surface, "Are they reasonable?"
Usually we discover they are not and so the question becomes what is a reasonable expectation.
What we are doing in that moment is similar to pruning.
We cannot do everything.
We cannot be everything.
We must cut away what is dead or what is overgrowing and sapping our energy, in order to bear good fruit.
The third question is "Are my thoughts positive and powerful."
This is similar to what we explored a few weeks ago about the power of praise. When we look for the good, we don't have time to see the bad and negative. And our outlook becomes more positive.
If we seek the hidden possibilities in situations; if we stress kindness and find love in small deeds; we will be able to cope with the stress of storms much better. We will also be able to better maintain our reasonable and effective limits.
The fourth question to help us set limits are: "What is the essential pain?" (That is, what is the truth about the human condition, the hard part of life, that you must
face in order to follow through with the new, reasonable expectations?} And "What is the earned reward, the payoff, the blessing, the lesson learned from following through?"
Having begun to nurture ourselves by listening to what is going in within us, and then moving to set realistic expectations and limits, we can continue to nurture ourselves with two final questions.
First, what do I need?
What this really does is put us in touch with our renewal zones - those activities or areas in our lives which are as essential as oxygen, food, water, and sleep. For me, one key renewal zone is music.
I must, periodically, listen to some jazz, or country.
I don't even always hear the words, but the tune and rhythms nurture my soul.
Second, what support do I need?
As we remind ourselves over and over again, we are not in this adventure of life alone.
None of us goes it alone and survives.
We need each other and we need the support of others to help us care for ourselves.
As we seek their support for that, we will be better able to turn around and support them and, and when needed, care for them.
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
God is our refuge, not we ourselves.
Not any other person, or nation, or government, or church or organization.
We are certainly called to care for one another, but we are not God.
To be able to care for one another and cope with the storms of life, we must first rely on God.
Then we must take care of ourselves.
Then we will have all that we need to care for one another.
learning from others, unwillingness to judge, confess our own shortcomings, treat one another with respect and kindness, and pledge to forgive when we fall short. And above all else, we must commit to be in it for the long haul, for whatever community we find or don't find here, is exactly what we will or won't find anywhere else.