LIVING AS JESUS’ FRIENDS
(Preached on Sunday, May 17, 2009)
Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can’t bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can’t bear fruit unless you are joined with me. -John 15:4
What a beautiful statement! “You did not choose me but I chose you.” We all long to hear those words. We all really need to be told by somebody that we are special, we are of value and worth, that we are included among the chosen. For the message the world often gives us is that we are not chosen. We are not special. We are not included. In various ways the world tells us we’re not smart enough, educated enough, wealthy enough, handsome or pretty enough, just plain not good enough to be among the chosen. Both of my children this spring went through the process of putting themselves out there seeking to be chosen. Rebekah applied to law schools, about 15 in all, and Paul to colleges, five in total. Both were rejected more than they were chosen. But thankfully both were chosen by schools that are great fits for them.
How wonderful to hear the words, “I choose you.” Especially, when the one speaking the words is God. That is the heart of this passage from John’s gospel. God does the choosing and chooses us. Through Jesus we have become friends of God, not because we chose that, but because God chose to make us friends.
The role of friendship in our lives isn’t well appreciated today. There have been numerous studies of marriage and family, but very little on friendship. A recent Australian study, though, has found that friendship may be a key to good health. The study found that older people with a large circle of friends were 22 percent less likely to die during the 10-year study than those with fewer friends. Similarly, the Harvard School of Public Health concluded that having a circle of friends delayed memory loss among elderly Americans. Among those with the fewest friends, memory declined at twice the rate as among those with the most friends. Some researchers are now suggesting that friendship may have greater influence on our health than family relationships.
A friendship is a special kind of relationship. It is a relationship of close connections, often built on shared goals, values, attitudes and actions. This does not mean friends always agree or conform in their views. But a friend is genuinely interested in me and my life. A friend listens but never judges. At the same time, a friend is one who will tell me the truth, tell it to me straight, but in a way which does not destroy the friendship. And a friend will always be there to help me out of a jam and not keep a running tab of what I owe. It is for this special relationship that Jesus chooses us. Jesus is looking for friends, not blind followers. Being a Christian, a follower of Jesus, is more than a way of thinking about things. It is a way of living, a matter of caring about the same things about which Jesus cared; holding and living out the same values which Jesus held and lived out; working for the same goals toward which Jesus worked. This is what it means to love as Jesus loves us. This is what it means to make our home in Jesus, as Jesus made his home in God. This is what it means to live as Jesus’ friends.
When we do the things which Jesus did. When we welcome strangers and those who are different from us. When we visit the sick and home-bound and bring genuine caring, compassion, and friendship into nursing homes and hospitals. When we give from our treasures and resources to those in need, sharing food and clothing and furniture, money for rent and utilities and medication, our time to volunteer in soup kitchens, at homeless centers, or to tutor children. When we serve all those with any human need, then we are making our home in Jesus. Then it is evident that we are living in close connection to Jesus, the vine, under the care and cultivation of God, the vinedresser.
Friendship is not an easy thing to develop. It requires time, energy, and commitment. How do friends stay connected and friendships grow? They stay in touch. Friends talk, listen, ask questions and are genuinely interested in each other. Friendship calls us out of ourselves to invest time, energy, and commitment in someone else. This is so tough especially in our culture today. With mobility, career pressure, distractions, and overloaded calendars, it’s difficult to make room for friendship. We don’t stay long enough to get to know one another, let alone to care about one another. And yet Jesus keeps talking about staying, about making our home in God.
In return Jesus promises to be always with us and to be the power we need for living as his friends in the world. He admits his way of life is difficult, “apart from me you can do nothing.” But the more completely we make our home in Jesus, the more we are able to live as Jesus lived. Henri Nouwen wrote that “[t]he mystery of ministry is that we have been chosen to make our own limited and very conditional love the gateway for the unlimited and unconditional love of God.” This is a lofty ideal, and we might wonder what this kind of love would look like. I have mentioned several examples of what it means to live as Jesus’ friends. But one thing I have not mentioned and which we almost never, ever talk about in church is how this includes the sharing of our material resources, our money. To discuss money in church is more difficult than discussing family problems or sexual issues. But we must discuss money, for if we don’t, if money is taboo and out of bounds, then we are saying that there is something in our lives outside of God’s guidance and will. If we cannot discuss in the church how we use money, then we are saying that money is an end, not a means to an end. We are saying that money is on a par with God, for if God has no say about our use of money, then money is also a god. The truth is, how we use money, how we treat money, what we do with money, is a sure barometer for where one’s heart really is. It is a sure indication of how much we have truly made our home in Jesus and how much Jesus truly lives in us.
Actually, money is simply a tool. It is only as good or as bad as we make it. To often we make our giving a head thing. As a result, the impact of our giving and our transformation through our giving is minimal to nothing. Money is not just a head thing; it is also a heart and soul thing. It is a way of seeing the world not for what can be exploited but for what can be developed for the benefit of all. One’s use of money is not separate from one’s spiritual journey. If they are not integrated, then one’s spiritual journey is incomplete. The money we have and our use of that money is something we should pray over. Just as we pray over our meals, giving God thanks for the blessing of food. Just as we ask God for healing, placing the state of our health and the care of our bodies in God’s hands. Just as we seek guidance from God in making decisions about other aspects of our lives, even so we should always seek guidance from God about the use of the money we have received. (This is true not just for us as individuals and families, but for us as a church as well. The only way we can begin to make faithful financial decisions is by first praying over those decisions — asking God’s guidance and seeking God’s power to respond as we hear God calling us to respond.)
This a tough economic time to be making decisions about our use of money. These will be difficult decisions we must make this year in regards to how we use our money. How much can we give back to God to spread God’s love through this church? How much must we keep to take care of our families and ourselves? How much can we trust God to provide for us in such uncertain times? Jesus knew this life would be difficult. It is why he called us into community and did not leave us on our own. We are connected — to Jesus, to God, to one another. We are not alone. And we are chosen. Whatever decisions we make, we make together, as friends of Jesus, surrounded always by the love of God.