The pleasant waitress arrived, and the customer said: A I= ll have the special for today, and a cup of coffee with cream.@ A Fine, thank you, sir,@ she replied. It was not long before she returned with the ordered meal. A Will that be all for now?@ she inquired. A I think so, except for the coffee.@ A Oh! Of course,@ she answered, as she hurried off. About midway through the meal she asked if everything was all right. A Yes, except for the...@ but she was already out of earshot. She returned asking if he would care for dessert. A Yes, I think that I= ll have some pie and also my coffee now.@ A That= s right, you asked for that before. I= m sorry.@

There is nothing nasty in this tale, no sinister plot lurking around. In fact, it is all pleasant and polite. The waitress promised, and indeed was sorry. The customer was not rude. The meal was fine. But the coffee that was promised did not arrive. With all the pleasantries, the goal was still not accomplished.

We all know that listening is a vital skill.

We all agree that listening is important for us to do.

We believe that so much, we made it the first clause in our vision statement C to try to be a church that listens. Yet far too often we are like that waitress C we listen, but we don= t hear, or we seem to listen but not in a way that it really penetrates our inner being to affect or change our behavior.

Mark is a master storyteller. He was not simply writing a biography or recording history, but he was writing to tell a particular story to help people understand just who was this man Jesus and what is the power of his teachings and life for their lives, our lives. He was writing gospel, good news

One of the exercises we undertook in seminary bible class, to better understand the gospels, was to chart them. We studied Mark to identify the various story components, the specific passages, the building blocks and then we laid them out in a chart. Doing that allowed us to begin to see patterns develop. One such pattern revolves around the meaning conveyed by the placement of the healing stories. Mark uses them to provide commentary on other stories, beyond demonstrating the healing power of Jesus.

For instance, in Chapter 7, he begins with the story about the critical question Jesus= opponents, the religious leaders, put to him about his followers lax practice of following the purity practices of always washing before eating.

[We often forget that those who gave Jesus the most trouble were the well educated, cultured, decent, church-going folk and their minister= s and priests. As uncomfortable as it is for me to admit it, it was the clergy who gave Jesus the most grief. These were the people who reckoned they already had all the answers. The had the closed minds and so were the most deaf to his teachings.]

After Jesus tries to answer their question and provide some good news insight he goes into the house where he is staying to get a break and his disciples ask him what he meant. Clearly, they were slow at understanding, at really A hearing,@ him as well. Then we have the story of the Syro-phoenician woman who would not leave Jesus alone in her seeking healing for her daughter. It is a most disturbing story for us because Jesus does not look very good in this story. In fact he is rude and apparently bigoted. Perhaps he is tired. But mainly, he himself does not A hear,@ that is, he does not listen.

All of that is followed up with the story of Jesus healing this deaf man. When Jesus heals him he uses an Aramaic word, A Eph-phatha!@ Very few of the actual Aramaic words Jesus spoke were recorded by the gospels. So the fact that Mark remembers and records this word is significant. A Eph-phatha!@ A Open up!@

To open up to the word of God, to open up to hear one another, to open up to the new possibilities God is offering us, all this is so important that the early Christians went on treasuring the original Aramaic speech of Jesus. We know that even as late as the 4^th Century after Jesus the exact word A Eph-phatha!@ was still being used in many baptisms. Water was placed on the baptized person= s ears and lips with the word A Eph-phatha!@ A Be opened!@

In some church traditions today this practice is still followed with the water placed on ears and lips and the words: A May God open your ears to hear God= s word and your mouth to proclaim God= s praise.@

So we begin to understand that one key, part of the skill of truly listening to one another and to God, is to listen with an openness. To listen with open ears and minds and hearts is when we truly begin to hear one another. It is only when we truly begin to hear that we will truly be able to speak in a way that brings life and wholeness and affirmation and healing and love. Otherwise, we have nothing to say, at least nothing worthwhile and helpful and healing.

In every experience of true listening, especially to God but also to another person, there is a mysterious moment in which the one who listens steps out from a fortress of self-concern and dwells silently in the truth of the one who speaks. This is a moment of great risk and great courage, for it ushers us into a different way of being in the world. As we hear each other= s stories of pain and hurt, our open listening will change us C will engage us in soul-searching transformation. It is so important that we listen with open minds and hearts to each other, especially when that feels like the last thing we want to do.

If we stay locked in polarized positions C us/them, ally/enemy C then escalating conflict follows. Breaking the cycle starts with us. As the Roman Stoic Epictetus observed, what others do is not in our power, but what we do is. When we listen with true openness to the possibility of being changed, then we are becoming a catalyst for healing our broken relations.

Here are a couple of tests to see how well we authentically listen, or how badly our inner hearing has deteriorated.

First: when we read A letters to the editor@ in the newspaper, or columnists, or hear or watch debates on TV, how often do we really listen to the views that challenge ours? Is it possible that we consistently scorn views contrary to ours and applaud those who agree with us? How long since we listened carefully enough to actually change our minds; even a little?

Second: what constitutes a A good sermon?@ Could it be that your favorite sermons are those that either echo your religious biases, or put into words the things you would like to say? Is a good sermon one that makes you contented or one that shakes you up, and maybe makes you discontented? Do we ever listen to anything that does not fit us like the proverbial glove?

When we truly listen with open hearts and minds, we can actually listen someone into existence. That is what God does for us and what God invites us to do for others.

Let me close with the story of another waitress. This woman walked up and, looking at the young boy, said: A What will it be?@ The boy eagerly shouted back: A I= ll take a hamburger, French fries, and a chocolate shake.@ The mother immediately interrupted: A Oh, that= s not what he wants. He= ll take the roast beef, a baked potato, and a glass of milk.@ Much to the surprise of both the mother and the boy, the waitress completely ignored her and again asked the boy: A And what do you want on that hamburger?@ The boy shouted back, A ketchup, lots of ketchup.@ A And what kind of shake?@ A Make it chocolate.@ The boy then turned to his parents with a big smile on his face and said: A Say, ain= t she something. She thinks that I= m real!@

When we start really hearing people, listening to them with open hearts and minds, they will become very real to us.

Jesus= call to us C a healing word C is very simple:

A Eph-phatha!@ A Open up!@